I Don't Enjoy Visiting my Children's Classrooms
Here goes. It's not necessarily a cooking entry but, I needed an outlet so, hopefully since I don't get any comments anyway, this one will be no different.
I love my kids. I love being a mom. Honestly, when I was a little girl I dreamed of being a mother. That is really what I aspired to do. I hated school. I was always awkward. In fact, I don't ever remember a time I didn't feel "outside". Even in my own family but mostly in school. I quit girl scouts because they picked on me. In middle school I wore a winter jacket every day (I'm from California people) and my parents switched me to private school because I was getting sick and being bullied. I never felt smart or accomplished in really any of my subjects. I was good at writing and history. So good that I was once accused of cheating and many times held up as an "example" for my fellow classmates. But everything else I kinda sucked at. I'm not going to go too far down the rabbit hole of " Poor Poor Nicki". But I think this explains some things.
Love being a mom until I was expected to show up in my kids classrooms. I had run or avoided uncomfortable situations all my life. Living the idea that I could just blend into the background and no one would notice me really worked well but, this is one thing that I couldn't run away from or avoid. My boys counted on me to be around. So I had to go....gulp, back to school and be active in scouts and sports events. If we are keeping score I'm an abysmal failure. I get dates wrong all the time. Kindergarten for my second kid has been the worst. I forget every time and date.....At the beginning of the year, I forgot when I was having a home visit. So, at 9:30 in the morning the Kindergarten teacher and her TA were greeted by me and same in our pajamas. Then today was a "family day" it happens twice a month. The first one was at 9:00 so I just assumed it would be at the same time every time. Turns out they are different times and they are posted on the Kindergarten news letter that is emailed out. Again, I showed up at 9:00 to a teacher looking at me like I took a stupid pill today. "Um, it's at 1:00 today....it was in the newsletter that I send home every week"
The question remains. Do I forget times and dates because I simply just don't want to be there? Or, am I just a scatter brain?
More questions....am I avoiding my kids school because I feel this way? Or, do I not like going because I kinda don't believe in being all up in the teachers business? I mean, theoretically the only time I really want to hear from the teacher is if my sons are struggling or, if they are doing fantastic. Otherwise, I don't believe in being a helicopter. Or, is that attitude just an excuse?
During school conferences and field trips my better half goes. He likes doing that stuff. I like being in the background. Doing the work behind the scenes and never to be seen.
It's hard to sum up in a few paragraphs what makes my skin crawl when I join my kids in their classrooms. When some parent involvement date comes, the little person inside of me is screaming, "I HATE THIS. NOT GOING NOT GOING NOT GOING!!!" Does anyone else feel this way?